Are you an Internet Nerd?

From lrb@cupoftea.ctrg.rri.uwo.ca Mon Dec  9 13:27:08 1991
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Date: Mon, 9 Dec 91 13:22:23 EST
From: "Lance R. Bailey" 
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To: magi@csd.uwo.ca
Subject: Re: ARE YOU AN INTERNET NERD?
Status: R

In rec.humor.funny article  you wrote:
>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>This quiz is dedicated to all of those people who find themselves 

>constantly roaming the net.  Do you leave yourself logged in 

>twenty-four hours a day, even when you're not home?  Is your
>wpm typing speed higher than your IQ?  Are you having trouble seeing
>things at distances greater than 2 feet?  Yes, YOU.  You know who
>you are.
>
>Ok... shall we begin?  Yes?   5 points... (you could've backed out.)
>
>Unless otherwise stated, point values are as follows: 2 for (a), 4 for
>(b), 6 for (c), and 10 for (d).
>
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>1)	How many valid net addresses do you have? 

>	Multiple machines at the same site do not count.
>
>____Internet      ____UUCP       ____Other public access   ____Other
>
>____Bitnet        ____Freenet    ____Internet BBS          ____All seven
>
>							(2 points each)
>
>
>2) 	How many hours did it take for you to create your .sig?
>
>	a)  Huh?
>	b)  More than one
>	c)  More than five
>	d)  I'm still looking for a really funky quote
>
>
>3)	On an average working day, how many email messages do you receive?
>
>	a)  Nobody sends me any mail... snif
>	b)  Three, but they're all from Lester in the next cubicle
>  	    over, because he has nothing better to do
>	c)  I can't count that high, I failed calculus
>	d)  Don't ask me now, I'm too busy.  Send me e-mail.
>
>
>4)	Alright, fess up.  Have you ever read alt.sex.bondage just to
>	see what the heck those perverts were talking about?
>
>	a)  Yes, and I'm so ashamed
>	b)  Yes, and I'm so embarrassed
>	c)  Yes, and would you please explain a few things to me...
>	d)  No, never.    (10 points.  You're lying.)
>
>
>5)	Have you ever met one of your past SO's (significant others)
>	via a computer network?
>
>	a)  No
>	b)  Yes, through a newsgroup we both posted on
>	c)  Yes, by chatting randomly over the Internet (shame!)
>	d)  Yes, by chatting over RELAY
>
>
>6)	Once you've logged onto your system, what do you spend most
>	of your time doing?
>
>	a)  Going through the library system and putting books on reserve
>	b)  Reading _Alice in Wonderland_ in the online bookshelf
>	c)  Reading the monthly postings on rec.humor.funny
>	d)  Writing up stupid quizzes because you've done everything else
>
>
>7)	If someone were to telephone your home at any given moment of the
>	day, what would be the percent chance that your phone would
>	be busy?
>
>	a)  Zero... I've got call waiting
>	b)  25%.... I only dial in from work  (Uh, hi, boss)
>	c)  75%.... Duh, so that's why nobody ever calls me
>	d)  Zero... My modem has a separate phone line
>
>
>8)	Which usenet newsgroups do you spend the most time reading?
>
>	a)  The comp. groups... because they're so informative
>	b)  The soc. groups.... because they're so multicultural
>	c)  The rec. groups.... because they're so diverting
>	d)  The alt. groups.... because I don't know what half those
>	                        words mean
>
>
>9)	What's your worst complaint about having an Internet account?
>
>	a)  I have to pay $5/month for it
>	b)  The damn sysadmins won't give me enough quota to hold
>	    all my .gif's
>	c)  All those programmers keep tying up the modem lines
>	d)  I have to stay in school to keep it 

>
>
>10)	Check your watch now.  What time is it?
>
>	a)  10 am... coffee break
>	b)  3 pm.... General Hospital's on
>	c)  12 am... one last login before I hit the sack
>	d)  4 am.... Oh my God, I've got a test tomorrow
>
>
>ALRIGHT, GUYS.  SCORING TIME.
>
>0-25 points:    You're not a nerd.  Go read a manual or two and come back
>	        next year.
>25-50 points:   You're an up-and-coming Internet nerd.  Why don't you
>	        telnet over to 128.6.4.8 and play around with the Quartz
>	        BBS for a while.
>50-75 points:   You're a full-fledged Internet nerd.  Join the club.
>75-100 points:  You're an Internet addict.  Try going to the library 

>		this week, it'll do you some good.
>100+ points:    You're an Internet obsessive-compulsive.  Unplug your
>		computer, go out in the woods for a few days, and relax.
>		Lay back and listen to the birds singing.  Clear your mind.
>		And don't forget to unsubscribe yourself from all those
>		lists before you leave.
>
>
>---- written by slewis@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (Sarah Lewis) in a moment
>     of extreme boredom.  Disclaimer:  OSU doesn't know I wrote this, and
>     it's probably better that way.  Sigh.  Time to hit the books....
>
>--
>Selected by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com.
>
>Please!  No copyrighted stuff.  Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
>Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.

--
Lance R. Bailey  System/Network Manager         Robarts Research Institute
     NeXT/email: lrb@rri.uwo.ca            box: Clinical Trials Resources Group
            fax: 519.663.3789                   P.O. Box 5015, 100 Perth Dr.
            vox: 519.663.3787 ext. 4108         London, Canada N6A 5K8
         Gaelic: Tha me leatsa ma cheannaicheas tu mi. Thoir dhomh earbsa.
          Anglo: I will be yours if you bribe me well. Trust me.

Ha, ha, ha. Take me back to [ the alphabetic list ] [ the date-ordered list ].