No Comment. It's safer that way
The No Comment section of The Progressive, February, 1990: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes From an address by Ellis Milan, president of the Retail Tobacco Distributors of America, as reprinted in Smokeshop Magazine: "President George Bush often talks of 1,000 points of light. I'd like to think those points of light are coming from the glowing ends of cigars, cigarettes, and pipes across the country, and symbolize the cornerstone of this nation - tobacco." Just the Fax, Please Under contract with Litton Industries, Inc., of College Park, Maryland, the U.S. Air Force is procuring 173 custom-made heavy duty fax machines for $32.9 million, plus $40 million for support and spare parts. That works out to more than $421,000 per machine. Animal-Lovers' Special From the Seventh Generation mail-order catalog: "Protect and waterproof your leather. ... Our leather seal is nontoxic and uses no animal products." A Kansan Points with Pride Senate Republican Leader Robert Dole, reciting the legislative achievements of the last Congressional session: "We were able to slow down and dilute child care." A Heartbeat Away Vice President Dan Quayle, as quoted in The Washington Post: "I've been blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful family, and I am proud of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have a very good family. I'm very fortunate to have a very good family. I believe very strongly in the family. It's one of the things we have in our platform to talk about it." His Eye Is on the Sparrow From an account (in Newsday) of damage inflicted by Hurricane Hugo on Puerto Rican facilities of Long Island-based firms: "Telecommunications manufacturer Porta Systems Corp. of Syosset, with a plant and 200 employees in Caparra Heights, 'did not suffer too much - just some damage to the women's bathroom,' said senior vice president Gary Romeo. 'I spoke to [the plant manager],' said Romeo. 'He said God was very good to Porta Systems.'" Who Guards the Guardians? In the summer of 1987, The Washington Post recently reported, U.S. Customs Service agents broke into an office of the General Accounting Office to steal advance copies of a GAO report on an investigation of abuses in the Customs Service. Fear and Loathing in Electronics From the cover of Spectrum, the magazine of the Institute of Electronics and Electronic Engineers: SPECIAL REPORT - THE THREAT OF PEACE: How Disarmament could affect jobs and the economy, industry, R & D, education, and the war on drugs and terrorism, and what's being done about it. Life Among the Computers From a report (in Computerworld Magazine) on the Comdex/Fall '89 computer exhibition in Las Vegas: "The award for Most Sexist and/or Tackiest Gimmick must surely go to Fujitsu, which featured a 'slave auction of women' at its shindig. Scantily dressed women were hauled 'screaming' into the party, where they were to be auctioned off. Once sold, they were tossed over the shoulders of whip-bearing males who bore them off." There Goes the Neighborhood In Flossmoor, Illinois, a posh Chicago suburb, it is illegal to park a pickup truck in one's own driveway. Frontiers of Technology From the "Future Perfect" feature of Ladies' Home Journal: "The Eletto Toilet from Taiwan, scheduled to appear in 1992, will add custom touches to the standard bathroom fixture. The lid will remain closed when not in use and will open at the touch of a button (a separate button will lift the seat for men). The temperature of the seat will be maintained between eighty-two and 100 degrees Fahrenheit. When the user gets up, the toilet will flush automatically, sterilizing the seat and bowl." Homeless Chic News item from The Boston Globe: "The security for the fashion show tonight will be, well, absolute. That's because two of the items - designed by Boston-based Anthony Ferrara, dressmaker to the stars - are worth so much money that the organizers are nervous: One dress is made of eighteen-karat gold mesh (price tag $532,000), the other of sterling silver ($100,000). The dresses will be the highlight of a fashion show. . . to benefit the Massachusetts Coalition for the Homeless." Man's Best Friend According to the Humane Society of the United States, the Israeli army uses dogs with explosives strapped to their backs "to chase guerrillas into tunnels where the explosives are detonated by remote control."