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Real Programmers ...
Real Programmers ....
Real Programmers don't write specs -- users should consider
themselves lucky to get any programs at
all and take what they get.
Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard
to write, it should be hard to understand.
Real Programmers don't write application programs; they
program right down on bare metal. Appli-
cation programming is for feebs who can't
do system programming.
Real Programmers don't eat quiche. They eat Twinkies and
Szechwan food.
Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy
applications programmers.
Real Programmers programs never work right the first time.
But if you throw them on the machine, they
can be patched into working in "only a
few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for
pipe stress freaks and crystallography
weenies.
Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any Real Program-
mers are around at 9 AM, it's because they
were up all night.
Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no pro-
grammers write in BASIC, after the age of
12.
Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for program-
mers who can't decide whether to write in
COBOL or FORTRAN.
Real Programmers don't write in APL. Any fool can be
obscure in APL.
Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that
requires you to change clothes. Mountain
climbing is OK, and Real Programmers wear
their climbing boots to work, in case a
mountain should suddenly spring up in the
middle of the machine room.
Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for
April 11, 1984
- 2 -
simps who can't read the listings or
object deck.
Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA,
or any of those pinko computer science
languages.
Real Programmers know better than the users what they need.
Real Programmers think structured programming is a Commun-
ist plot.
Real Programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for
manager's toadies. Real Programmers like
to keep their managers in suspence.
Real Programmers think better when playing ADVENTURE.
[Rogue?]
April 11, 1984
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