David G. Wiseman

No Comment. It's safer that way

	The No Comment section of The Progressive, February, 1990:

		Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

	From an address by Ellis Milan, president of the Retail
	Tobacco Distributors of America, as reprinted in Smokeshop
	Magazine: "President George Bush often talks of 1,000 points
	of light.  I'd like to think those points of light are coming
	from the glowing ends of cigars, cigarettes, and pipes across
	the country, and symbolize the cornerstone of this nation -

		Just the Fax, Please

	Under contract with Litton Industries, Inc., of College Park,
	Maryland, the U.S. Air Force is procuring 173 custom-made
	heavy duty fax machines for $32.9 million, plus $40 million
	for support and spare parts.  That works out to more than
	$421,000 per machine.

		Animal-Lovers' Special

	From the Seventh Generation mail-order catalog: "Protect and
	waterproof your leather.  ...  Our leather seal is nontoxic
	and uses no animal products."

		A Kansan Points with Pride

	Senate Republican Leader Robert Dole, reciting the legislative
	achievements of the last Congressional session:  "We were able
	to slow down and dilute child care."

		A Heartbeat Away

	Vice President Dan Quayle, as quoted in The Washington Post:
	"I've been blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful
	family, and I am proud of my family.  Anybody turns to their
	family.  I have a very good family.  I'm very fortunate to
	have a very good family.  I believe very strongly in the
	family.  It's one of the things we have in our platform
	to talk about it."

		His Eye Is on the Sparrow

	From an account (in Newsday) of damage inflicted by Hurricane
	Hugo on Puerto Rican facilities of Long Island-based firms:
	"Telecommunications manufacturer Porta Systems Corp. of Syosset,
	with a plant and 200 employees in Caparra Heights, 'did not
	suffer too much - just some damage to the women's bathroom,'
	said senior vice president Gary Romeo.  'I spoke to [the
	plant manager],' said Romeo.  'He said God was very good to
	Porta Systems.'"

		Who Guards the Guardians?

	In the summer of 1987, The Washington Post recently reported,
	U.S. Customs Service agents broke into an office of the General
	Accounting Office to steal advance copies of a GAO report on
	an investigation of abuses in the Customs Service.

		Fear and Loathing in Electronics

	From the cover of Spectrum, the magazine of the Institute of
	Electronics and Electronic Engineers:  SPECIAL REPORT -
	THE THREAT OF PEACE:  How Disarmament could affect jobs and
	the economy, industry, R & D, education, and the war on drugs
	and terrorism, and what's being done about it.

		Life Among the Computers

	From a report (in Computerworld Magazine) on the Comdex/Fall '89
	computer exhibition in Las Vegas:  "The award for Most Sexist
	and/or Tackiest Gimmick must surely go to Fujitsu, which featured
	a 'slave auction of women' at its shindig.  Scantily dressed
	women were hauled 'screaming' into the party, where they were
	to be auctioned off.  Once sold, they were tossed over the
	shoulders of whip-bearing males who bore them off."

		There Goes the Neighborhood

	In Flossmoor, Illinois, a posh Chicago suburb, it is illegal
	to park a pickup truck in one's own driveway.

		Frontiers of Technology

	From the "Future Perfect" feature of Ladies' Home Journal:
	"The Eletto Toilet from Taiwan, scheduled to appear in
	1992, will add custom touches to the standard bathroom
	fixture.  The lid will remain closed when not in use and
	will open at the touch of a button (a separate button will
	lift the seat for men).  The temperature of the seat will
	be maintained between eighty-two and 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
	When the user gets up, the toilet will flush automatically,
	sterilizing the seat and bowl."

		Homeless Chic

	News item from The Boston Globe:  "The security for the fashion
	show tonight will be, well, absolute.  That's because two of
	the items - designed by Boston-based Anthony Ferrara, dressmaker
	to the stars - are worth so much money that the organizers
	are nervous:  One dress is made of eighteen-karat gold mesh
	(price tag $532,000), the other of sterling silver ($100,000).
	The dresses will be the highlight of a fashion show. . . to
	benefit the Massachusetts Coalition for the Homeless."

		Man's Best Friend

	According to the Humane Society of the United States, the
	Israeli army uses dogs with explosives strapped to their
	backs "to chase guerrillas into tunnels where the explosives
	are detonated by remote control."

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