Classification of Computer Science Research

This is intended to be sarcastic.  

     Security: The art of thinking about unsolvable problems.
      Theory: The art of creating unsolvable problems.
     Systems: The continuous re-implementation of ideas that appeared in 1950's.
     Compilers: The science of arguing that every thing is either  NP-complete or undecidable, and showing that neither is  relevant.
     Artificial Intelligence: A line of research whose existence is motivated and justified by the failure of natural  intelligence, or the lack thereof.
     Networking: An excuse for doing research in security.
    Computer Architecture: The only successful branch of computer science  research, although it has nothing to do with  science, or research.
    Graphics: Drawing pots and kettles on computer screens.
    Databases: A research topic that was resolved in the 60's.
    Parallel Processing: This is what you claim to be doing when you want   the government to spend a lot of money to support  you.
    HCI: A philosopher in front of a Mac.
   Geometric Modelling: That's what people who get tired of theory move to .   They then retire.